As I was driving through town today I noticed a new shop – at least I think it’s new; I hadn’t noticed it before — it’s called Retail Therapy. Now I suppose someone thinks they’re being terribly clever, giving a shop that name. Well, I don’t think it’s particularly clever. For one thing, it strikes me as downright tacky to appeal to people when they are at their most vulnerable. Indeed, calling it ‘therapy’ suggests Help Is On the Way! As one who has been fighting off various Gremlins that have invaded my house recently, I felt I was being personally targeted by these unsavory people. As if dealing with the Gremlins isn’t enough to worry about, now I have to resist these high-pressure salespeople promising to ease my pain. Hah! If I’ve learned nothing else in 66 years, I’ve learned that Retail Therapy is not the path to recovery.
Just in case there is anyone out there who has been trapped on a cargo ship for the last 27 years and doesn’t know what Retail Therapy is, let me explain. First off, be aware that the operative word here is Retail. Therapy is a misnomer. Retail Therapy is therapy in much the same way that a lobotomy is therapy. The so-called aim of Retail Therapy is to make you feel better by spending money you don’t have to buy something you don’t need, which probably doesn’t fit, and which in approximately 3 – 11 days you will hate. Indeed, Retail Therapy is primarily known for its close relationship with the phrase, “What the Hell ever possessed me to by that!” For those who have a partner, you can generally rely on them to use the phrase well before it occurs to you. Usually the same day as the purchase(s).
Shops that prey on people who are vulnerable and enfeebled by the Life Forces conspiring against them, are despicable and should be avoided. Of course, when the sales are on, it’s a different matter altogether. MM