I have a growing pile of news clippings. (The operative word here is ‘pile’ — it certainly isn’t news.)  Like lawn clippings, they occasionally need to be raked up and…dispatched.  Consider this your seasonal mulch.

Hell Hath No Fury Like an Elderly Cougar Spurned

Following on from my previous post about online dating, I have a couple items of note.  It seems  92-year-old Helen Staudinger, of Fort McCoy, Florida, had the hots for her 53-year-old neighbor.  When he refused to give her a kiss, she fired four shots from a semi-automatic pistol at his house.  Fortunately, he was not hit, but Helen was arrested on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and shooting into a dwelling.  This is a case where an online dating friend might have been a safer option for all concerned.  Of course, it’s possible she might not be able to use a computer, but she sure could handle a semi-automatic pistol!

Kuta Cowboys

On Bali’s Kuta Beach, there has been some media attention in the form of a documentary focused on the “muscular and tanned Kuta beach surfers who develop short-term romantic relationships with foreign women in return for gifts.”  Following the airing of Cowboys in Paradise, police apparently rounded up a number of “tanned and muscular men.”  A government spokesman confirmed that “gigolos have indeed been rounded up.”  He added that the gigolo phenomenon was not unique to Bali, which he pointed out is also known for its Hindu temples, volcanoes, and terraced rice fields.  If any of you stud-muffins out there are planning a holiday in Bali, I recommend you plan your itinerary around the rice paddies.

Who Pays?

I’m always fascinated by the topics that researchers choose to study.  In a world that is going down the gurgler at a rate of knots, it is refreshing to think that the important question of who pays on a first date still rates attention.  Goodness knows it’s information we’ve a been waiting for.  It turns out that men are more generous than women when it comes to the first date.  We can only speculate on the reason.  Twice as many women as men are willing to split the bill.  Interestingly, the guys want to pay for both of them, whereas the women want to pay for themselves.  Only a piddly 3% of women were inclined to pay for both of them, compared to 55% of guys who thought they should foot the whole bill.  It seems the fellows are also bigger spenders on the first date.  They spend an average of $104 (£65), while the gals spend $80 (£5o) on average.  We can only assume that the guys are more inclined to consider making a good first impression  is an  investment in the future.  At least for that or the next date  Who would have guessed?

A Royal Wedding Keepsake.  Sweet!

The latest British royal wedding will be upon us before we know it.  But there is still time to order your royal keepsake.  Whew! Austrian company, PEZ, has created a special pair of candy dispensers in the likeness of the Royal Pair.  If you are a fan of the royal couple, or of PEZ figurines, you can submit your offer on the eBay for Charity auction platform from April 7 to 17. Good luck with that.  Proceeds will go to a charity supported by the couple.

One thing you should know beforehand, however, is that the William and Kate models will not dispense the sweets through their mouths, as other popular models do; their whole head bends back.  It sounds a bit Monty Python-esque to me.

How well I recall that other British Royal Wedding.  No, not Charles and Camilla–the other one.  We all gathered around the t.v. — which was fetchingly festooned in white nylon net for the occasion — and watched the fairy-tale wedding with romance in our hearts.  Well, that sort of flopped, didn’t it?  So it’s a bit difficult to whip up any emotional frenzy for this one.  Especially after the best of them all, the Danish Royal Wedding between Crown Prince Frederich and Tasmania’s own Princess, Mary Donaldson.  Now that was a wedding!  Of course, I may be a wee bit biased as I have a personal connection with Princess Mary. Well, two connections, actually. I stood next to her in a queue at a local grocery store several years ago, AND my three grandsons go to the same school she went to.  (They don’t give a brass razzoo about it, but of course that’s guys for you…).  So, you see, I do have cause to be biased, but even so I think you’ll agree:  The Danish Royal Wedding had all the pageantry and romance a fairy tale needs.         sigh . . .

Some Advice to Those Still Shopping for a Royal Wedding Gift

I’m sure most of you are worrying about what to get the Royal Couple.  If crockery is on your list, be advised that ‘artistic arrangement of deliberately mismatched crockery’ is now de rigueur. Indeed, deliberately mismatching each piece so that it creates a dining equivalent of an original painting requires more artistic flair than just selecting a conventional tea set.  Are you up to that? If not, you could visit the couple’s Royal Wedding Charity Fund and make a donation there.  It’s all about helping kids to reach their potential.  In my book that’s a pretty good alternative to mixing up the crockery.       MM