Against Spitting!

This may be the only subject in the entire world that 100% of women will agree on.  And which males, in the main,  simply don’t get.  I’m talking, of course, about spitting.   There already are laws against it in many places, but– with the possible exception of Singapore– the legislation goes largely unenforced.  It’s a slippery slope, folks; watch where you put your feet.

Let me begin by clarifying what spitting I’m talking about:  pretty much all of it except that which is occasionally necessary in a dental surgery (where it may be called spitting, but is actually slobbering), and those  times when you are talking and laughing with friends at an outdoor cafe and a bee flies into your mouth.  (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?)  As I see it, those are the only legitimate exemptions from an otherwise total ban on spitting.  Don’t even think about suggesting an exemption for sporting events.

I know that the civil libertarians amongst you–the male civil libertarians; the females don’t give a toss–will be crying out that it is discrimination against men.  But it isn’t the law that would discriminate; it would simply be the fact that only men do it.  Should anyone  try to make the case that there is a physiological reason why men do it, a physiological reason which doesn’t apply to women, he would require very strong scientific proof.  Research-based proof.  Spitting isn’t like peeing up against a wall, which men can do and women can’t, no matter how much they try (and, yes, we all tried it when we were little and all we ever managed to do is fill our shoes with pee and piss our mothers off).

Spitting is revolting.  Disgusting.  Unhygienic. And a public health danger.  So Stop It!  

Spit–or sputum–is one of those odious “bodily fluids” we keep hearing about.  For centuries it has been identified as a major cause of the spread of  disease.  In the late 1800’s, in America, at a time when tuberculosis was the leading cause of death, “promiscuous spitting” was recognised as a  prime culprit in spreading the disease.  Cities and towns all across America passed anti-spitting legislation.  Accordiing to Historians some men spat seven times per minute, or 5,040 times in 12 hours.   Before feminism, men gave up their seats to women, doffed their hats, curbed their cursing, and spat. Today’s liberated male just spits.  These days there seems to be a total lack of will on the part of law enforcement personnel, and other government officials, to enforce the cause of public health, decency, and clean shoes, by supporting anti-spitting legislation.  Just think how much better it would be all round if sportsmen and other of our young boys’  role models would give up gratuitous spitting in favour of picking their noses, or scratching their balls, or whatever distraction they need to calm their nerves.

Garrison Keillor, has been quoted as giving this advice to a young ball player: “Spit frequently. Spit at all crucial moments. Spit correctly. Spit should be blown not ptuied weakly with the lips, which often results in dribble … spitting should convey forcefulness of purpose, concentration, pride.”  Well, I say that is just wrong.  Shame, Mr. Keillor, shame.