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I’ve already admitted I’m a failure at telephony.  Now I have to confess yet another techno-failure.  It’s embarrassing.  I mean, what kind of twit can’t tweet?  I’m losing face on Facebook.  I don’t even know what Pinterest is.  Or tumbir.

I can do the blogging thing.  That’s more about writing than ‘networking,’ so I’m in my comfort zone.  And WordPress makes it very easy.  But I’m just no good at the social thing.  One of the blogs I follow is Kristin Lamb’s Blog.  Kristin is a successful author and social media expert.  She writes advice and information for writers generally, but I am especially interested in her articles  about using social media and e-publishing.   The thing is, I have a project up my sleeve that I hope to  publish online later this year, and she seems to know a lot about both.  I’ve been reading a lot of articles, blogs, and books on the subject of e-publishing, and according to Kristin (and others) it is essential that I become adept at using Social Media.  Well, that just sucks.  I’m doomed from the start.  I’m trying to follow her advice and instructions, but I keep making a hash of it.  (pun intended). Apparently I have to get active on Facebook and Twitter at the very least.  I’ve had accounts on both, but rarely visit Facebook, and never use Twitter.  By now I no longer know what my account names and passwords are, or even what email addresses I’ve signed up with.  Not a great start.  Oh.  I also have a Linkedin account.  I don’t know why.  Now, thanks to Kristin, I am also a member of TweetDeck, whatever that is.  And I’m learning to use #tags.  (If you don’t know what they are, don’t ask.  At least don’t ask me.  Ask someone who knows.)

So. I went into each of those sites and started poking around to see if I could actually access my accounts.  I eventually got into my ‘homepage,’ and then saw that I need to “add friends.”  I only had a handful of friends on Facebook and Linkedin, and pretty much no followers on Twitter, so that would seem to be the place to start.  Adding friends.  Why should that be so hard? I hear you ask.  And how will it help? I hear myself asking.  There are endless lists of people I might (or might not) know, and I’m supposed to select the ones I want to invite to become friends with me online.  Well, that seems dopey to me.  They are mostly friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends…   I started going down the list of “people you may know” and ticking those that might be interested in becoming my friend… but before long I realized I could be going down that list until next April.  I have no idea who I actually ticked, nor whether they will have received messages announcing that they have the rare opportunity to become my friend if they wish, but I just gradually drifted off that task.

There was also this list of “my contacts” that was offered up as prospects for friendship, and I fear that in my fog I may have given permission for Facebook/Twitter/Linkedin–whichever it was–to send invitations to all of those unsuspecting people as well.  The reason I think this is that I started receiving emails from a strange assortment of people, most of whom graciously declined the opportunity as they “don’t do Facebook/Twitter/Linkedin.”  (I’ve also heard from long-lost friends I’m delighted to re-connect with.)

It turns out that my contact list contains every person and business that I have ever communicated with via email for the past umpteen years.  So I have had some interesting responses…   Here’s an example  (I won’t include the individual’s name, to protect the innocent):

Good Morning,

                I am responding to your email.  I do not connect to these networks, but if you are wanting information regarding election registration, I would be happy to help you.  It looks like you might have a name change.  I have attached the Federal Registration form for your convenience, if you are still an Ada County resident and would like to vote in the upcoming November General election.  There have been several changes to the Idaho Elections Legislation – 1)  Party affiliation is now required and 2) it is now a yearly request for absentee ballots, are a couple of the changes.

Please note:  Open registration will close October 12th and our first mailing will be approximately September 21st.  Mail the completed form to

Ada County Elections
400 N Benjamin Ln, ste #100
Boise ID  83704

If you have any questions, my contact information is located below
Thank You,

And now my Horoscope of the Day has just alerted me that “the Leo New Moon illuminates (my) 11th House of Social Networking.”  Oh Brother.  It’s not that I normally take any notice of the horoscope, but a character in the novel I’m writing does, so I’m trying to get a handle what she thinks about things.  I’m inclined to do what she would do upon receiving such poignantly timed information:  hunker down in the chook house.

So, dear friends, if you have been the startled recipient of a somewhat strange or unexpected email invitation ‘from me,’ I apologize.  If you haven’t received such an email invitation from me, I apologize again–I can’t think how you were overlooked…        MM

PS:  Kristin, if you are reading this, please understand that I truly believe you know what you are talking about,  and I am trying–really I am– but you must remember that I am a person who can’t answer the telephone.